i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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