My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
