so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
