There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you traded sex for a burrito?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
