I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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