In the future we'll all be gay
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
