I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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