How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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