so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
