I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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