VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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