I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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