I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
