If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
