I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
