Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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