if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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