I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
