I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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