You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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