the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
