am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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