T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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