Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
