I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
