don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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