Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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