How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
