She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
