sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
