Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
