Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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