Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
