i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
