I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
