you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize