In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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