I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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