Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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