I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
