Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize