Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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