So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
