My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
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