i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
