I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
