he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
