i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
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