So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
She bit a glass in half.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
