i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize