no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize