I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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