I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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