"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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