She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
