He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
No subtext here. People are naked.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
