Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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