that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
