she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
