highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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