do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
