I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Randomize
