well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
