Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I love having hate sex.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
