woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
